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adjustment on the screen, "youand countless other atavisms are reacting in a very predictable way.Since you can't reconcile the naked Ankorbades and their superiortechnology, and since they are alien to point of showing no interestwhatsoever in our elaborate art, institutions, rituals--"

  "And since," piped up Arnold, startling both men, "the humanunconscious can't help but equate nakedness with savagery, we havearmed our mighty planet to the teeth, convinced that Armageddon isaround the corner."

  "Well," said the surprised Warcraft.

  "Where'd you pick that up," asked Banner.

  "From Captain Slatkin," said Arnold, smiling. "I met him when I wasindoctrinated. He took the same micro-course in culturology. 'Course,he only believed that stuff when he was scared."

  "Oh, you don't say," said Banner. "Tell us, my little friend, are youtoo, convinced that Armageddon is around the corner? Not that I reallythink you're capable of having an opinion."

  "I got plenty of opinions, all right," said Arnold quietly, staring athis shoes. "Opinion number one is this: We're not really at war yet,but within the past two years, fifty-six patrol ships have disappearedin the vicinity of our friendly neighbor."

  "That's not an opinion," Banner said. "And disappeared can mean a lotof things."

  "Opinion number two," continued Arnold, scratching himself under anarm. "About the only diplomatic relations we got with them animals iswhen they write a note complaining about some Patrol ship getting tooclose to some piece of dirt in their system."

  "Speaking of that, you'll have to excuse me for a moment," Warcraftsaid.

  "Stop clowning," snapped Banner. "Listen to him. Here's your chance toget some insight into the nature of the thorn in your side. Go on, BeanBrain. Any more opinions?"

  "Yeah. If you're such a wise guy, tell me why you're here right now.Why?" Arnold's mouth screwed itself into a knowing, bitter smile. "Whenboth of you were children you heard the story about the Big Fleet. Soyou made it into the Patrol, spent the rest of your life training,looking, thinking that some day--"

  Warcraft broke in, "That tale about an Ankorbadian fleet build-up hasbeen discredited a full thousand times. When they pried that crazyscout out of his ship, he was an hour away from the crematorium. Youtry spending forty-six days in space without food or water sometime!You'll see hidden arsenals of alien ships till hell won't have it."

  "And," added Banner, "where is this fleet build-up supposed to takeplace? The patrol has had every planet in reachable space underscheduled surveillance for the past twenty years. You don't hide athousand S-type cruisers in somebody's pocket."

  "So nobody's scared, huh?" said Arnold. "So the entire space commandhas been playing footsie all over the galaxy for twenty years lookingfor a thousand ships that aren't there in the first place, huh?"

  "Routine surveillance," said Warcraft.

  "A thousand ships," said Arnold, slapping his sweating forehead."They'll burn through our defense system like--"

  "You're a paranoid rabble rouser," said Banner lightly. "We've got workto do up here. How about getting back to your bunk?"

  * * * * *

  Two days later they made scheduled contact with the caravan of potatofertilizer and tractor fuel. One thousand sleds, in tandem, were inproper orbit two hundred miles above Sedor II. Their orders providedfor a landing on the planet and a short ship-leave, at the discretionof the ship's pilot to refresh personnel.

  Banner and Harcraft decided against landing. All necessary contact, nowthat they were out of hyperdrive, could be accomplished with the ship'sradio. Short planetfalls were, psychologically, more trouble than theywere worth, often destroying the hard-earned, delicate spaceorientation which was their only defense against the abysmal boredom.

  "It's a dull place anyway," explained Harcraft to Arnold, who had comeup to the control room. "It's a mining and processing settlement. Maybefive hundred families altogether. Got a funny religion, too."

  "Huh, what kind?"

  "Well," began Harcraft breezily, "sort of sacrificial you might say.They believe in killing strangers who annoy their women."

  "A dull place," agreed Arnold, wiping his nose with his sleeve.

  "Speaking of religion," said Banner, "I just talked to their monitor onthe radio. They've picked up twelve big ships on their scanner duringthe past two days."

  "Ankorbades?" asked Arnold quickly.

  "Uh-huh. But not what you think. It's Easter time or some such thing athome. They all return to the home planet and stay there for aboutthirty days in the spring. Religious festival."

  "Oh, yeah. They paint themselves blue and howl at both of their moonsfor a month. I read about it once."

  "We'll be home, too, pretty soon," ventured Harcraft, for whom thereturn journey was subjectively always short.

  "Let's hitch up to those sleds," Banner said. "It's time to get going."

  Four weeks later two of the fertilizer sleds went out of phase andautomatically cut the ship out of hyperdrive.

  "A welcome diversion," said Banner to Harcraft, "you are now about tomeet your mortal enemy face to face."

  "Manual labor? Never," said Harcraft, assuming the pose of a manbravely facing the firing squad. "Patrol duty is my lifeblood. Evenfreight duty such as this I can stomach. But manual labor! Pleasecaptain, let the air out of the ship, if you will, but never shallthese hands--"

  "Somebody call me?" asked Arnold, appearing silently.

  "Yeah," said Banner, "how'd you like to help?"

  "Sure, what you got."

  "Couple sleds are out of phase. You and Harcraft are going to slip intosuits and go out and find the trouble."

  Arnold shrugged, "O.K. with me, when do we start?"

  "Pretty quick," said Banner, who had turned to look at the ship'sspec-scanner. "Looks like we're in a belt of meteorites. We'll be ableto match velocities, but we could still be creamed if the path gets tooeccentric. Show him the way, Harcraft. I don't want to take any longerthan necessary, either. Understand?"

  Fifteen minutes later, both Arnold and Harcraft were out of the airlock, each clutching a new phase unit. Harcraft called instructions toArnold over his suit's inter-com, but within minutes the smaller manwas, if anything, more adept at the business of maneuvering himselfthrough the void than his teacher. They replaced the phase unit in thefirst sled--the fiftieth from the ship--with Harcraft doing the workand Arnold watching.

  "Can you do the next one alone?" Harcraft asked.

  "Easy as pie," Arnold said. "Where is it?"

  "About two hundred sleds farther back. Numbers on the side. Number twohundred sixty-three. Can you remember?"

  "I ain't dumb. Where you gonna be?"

  "Back in the ship. We'll be waiting for you."

  * * * * *

  Back again in the control cabin with Banner, Harcraft was about tocongratulate himself on inventing the apprentice system, when apiercing scream brought both men to their feet. "It's Arnold," Bannersaid. "Arnold, you all right?"

  Harcraft pushed Banner away from the speaker. "Arnold, what's wrong,you O.K.?" The speaker remained silent.

  "You better suit up," Banner said quietly.

  "Yeah," Harcraft said, staring dumbly at the speaker. "Yeah, I bettersuit up."

  "Wait. Better take a look on the viewscreen."

  "Hey, he's coming this way! Quick, get ready at the air lock!"

  It was fifteen minutes before they could get anything out of him, andthen he wasn't too coherent. They gave him an injection of herodine toquiet him down, but his eyes still rolled wildly and all he couldmanage was: "Big hunk of rock ... big hunk of rock ... rock, quick ...monkey ships."

  "Any idea what he's talking about?"

  "No," Banner said thoughtfully. "There was a sizable meteorite thatcame pretty close while you were on your way back to the ship, but I'dalready tracked it before either one of you went outside."

  "How close?"

  "Hm-m-m. Visually, a doze
n kilometers, I'd guess. I could run the tapeif you--"

  "Velocities almost the same?" asked Harcraft, who was now fiddling withthe viewscreen controls.

  "Yeah. Shouldn't be too hard to find. How about lugging Bean Brain backto his bunk. I'll run the tape, then you can plot it on the screen."

  When Harcraft returned to the control cabin, Banner had already plottedit on the screen.

  "I'll say it's a big piece of rock! About four kilometers in diameter."

  "Yeah, but nothing out of order."

  "Uh-huh. Let me turn up the magnification a little and see if--" Bannerwatched as Harcraft turned control buttons, skillfully increasingmagnification without losing the held of view. Suddenly, the objectexploded into iridescence. "What--"

  "Watch," Harcraft said. He bumped the magnification as much as hedared.

  "The Ankorbadian fleet," said Banner between clenched teeth.

  They spent the next hour scanning the ship's micro-library for anythingat all on Ankorbadian religious practices. There was nothing. Arnoldawoke in another hour and seemed remarkably free of hysteria.

  "What do you know about our friends' religious holiday?" asked Banner."We checked the library without any luck."

  Arnold scratched the side of his face. "Lemme think. Yeah, I remember.They go home to celebrate spring, like you said."

  "They all go home?"

  "Uh-huh. They got to. Only time they can mate. Only place, too."

  "How long they stay? I've heard it's about one of our months, but wehave to know exactly."

  "That's all I know. Read it some place a long time ago. Can I go backto sleep now?"

  "Go back to sleep," said Banner.

  They spent the next three hours maneuvering carefully around theasteroid. They took six thousand feet of movies and stared at theprojections for another three hours. One thousand seven hundred andthirty silvery needles flashed reflected starlight into astonished,wild eyes.

  "At least," whispered Banner, "there's nobody there."

  "A lot of good that does us. They'll be back from their home planet ina few weeks, just as soon as the breeding season is over. Why shouldthey leave anybody here? There's not a map in the galaxy that indicatesthe position of this piece of rock. And we haven't any weapons."

  "I don't suppose the computer--"

  "You can't compute an orbit without at least one more reference point.Besides, we're four weeks from any kind of fleet contact."

  "Great. In other words, they'll be back here, ready to roll before wecan even tell anybody that we don't know how to find it again."

  "Right. And since there's not any room left to park another ship ofthat size, it's a pretty safe assumption that they are ready to roll."

  "Armageddon," muttered Harcraft.

  "You sure we don't have anything to--"

  "Weapons? Yeah. We have a pistol and three small nitro paks in a lockersome place. You couldn't even blow your way inside one of those ships.And if you could, you'd spend two weeks and then blow yourself to hellbefore you'd know anything about the armament."

  "O.K., let's land and look around. Go get Arnold."

  * * * * *

  They cut off the sleds and plunged down, landing between two of theships. Before putting on suits, Banner sent Arnold to the locker to getthe three nitro paks. He hoped it would help him overcome the terriblefeeling of nakedness and impotence.

  They spent only a little time out of the ship. There was nothing to seethat hadn't been seen before, and the heavy artificial gravitygenerated by the alien ships--coupled with a maze of deepcrevices--made walking difficult and dangerous.

  Back in the control cabin, Banner turned to Harcraft, "Any ideas?"

  "Ideas? You mean for saving Homo sapiens? I'm afraid not. I simply donot feel up to saving six billion sentient organisms today. I feel--"

  "You're getting hysterical," said Banner, whose own tight, small voicewas barely audible.

  "I got an opinion," said Arnold. "You guys stop crying for a minute andI'll tell you."

  It took him five minutes to explain the whole thing. When he wasthrough, both Banner and Harcraft turned him down flat. "Not a chance,"said Banner. It would take a week to set the thing up, and then itwouldn't work. Our best chance is a long one, but maybe we'll make it.We're four weeks away from any fleet contact, but it's the onlysensible course of action."

  "That makes it a total of eight weeks, with four weeks to get backhere. That's two months," said Arnold. "You think they're gonna waittwo months before they shove out of here?"

  "Maybe not," Banner said. "But that's the only thing to do. And thesooner we get started the better the chances. Let's get going."

  "You look here--" Arnold began.

  "No more opinions, Bean Brain. You're not entitled to an opinion. Youthink we should take your word for everything you told us? Tell me why.You said yourself you never had any training. So you're guessing andhoping. It would take a staff of two dozen highly specializedtechnicians to even evaluate your idea, much less put it into action.Hell, man, face it. What do you know about geology, chemistry, mining?What do you know about anything?"

  Arnold pointed a trembling finger at Banner. "Look, I told you that Iknow rock. I know plenty of gardening, too. I gave you guys a chance tosay O.K. You still say no? Have it your way, but we'll do it my way."Both Banner and Harcraft found themselves staring into the barrel ofthe ship's only weapon.

  Harcraft recovered from his astonishment quicker than Banner. "O.K.,Bean Brain, have it your way." Quickly, casually he started for thecabin door. Then, with such speed that Banner hardly saw the movement,he chopped down viciously toward Arnold's wrist with the edge of hishand.

  Harcraft recovered consciousness a half hour later. "Don't try thatagain, little boy," said Arnold with unconcealed hatred. "I'll give youanother thirty minutes to catch your breath. Then we all go to work."

  It took ten days instead of seven. Under Arnold's close supervision,they made the ship perform like a tractor, an air hammer, a foundationborer and an angledozer.

  Once, when they told him that some particular maneuver couldn't bedone, he took the controls himself, and came so close to killing themall that Banner, out of sheer terror, took over and made it do thethings Arnold decreed necessary.

  Finally it was finished. Two million tons of potato fertilizer, onemillion tons of tractor fuel combined into a slimy pulp lay jammed intothe largest crevice on the asteroid. A few hours later they were athousand miles out in space.

  "Now?" asked Banner.

  "Now," said Arnold.

  With the viewscreen at maximum magnification, they watched as theasteroid blew itself into a thousand million pieces.

  * * * * *

  In the control cabin, a short week away from fleet contact, Banner wasstill gloating over the movies. "Look at these. Before and After. Howmany medals you think we can carry on our strong, manly chests?"

  "I really couldn't care less," answered Harcraft. "While you've beensitting there enriching your fantasy life, I've solved the mystery ofmysteries."

  "Out with it."

  "O.K. While our little friend has been lying on his bunk ruining hisbeady eyes on the micro-viewer, I've been asking myself significantquestions. Question number one: What kind of person does it take tosurvive the inactivity and boredom of three, four, maybe six months ina space can like this? Answer: It takes a highly trained andconditioned person such as yours truly or yourself. Arnold is obviouslynot such a person."

  "Obviously."

  "Question number two: Under what circumstances can a person asobviously intelligent as Arnold manage not to become a highlyspecialized member of society? And last, what kind of person can be sorevoltingly unspecialized as to know, with fanatical certainty, thatthe main ingredient of a good potato fertilizer is ammonium nitrate;that such a substance is rather ineffective as an explosive unless youmix it with a good oxidizable material, such as Diesel fuel; t
hat afour-square mile chunk of rock is 'brittle'--"

  "And don't forget to add another nice facet--that he's a lot clevererin the manly art of self-defense than you'll ever be."

  "I acknowledge my humiliation and at the same time repeat my question:What kind of person can be so unspecialized and at the same time somiserably competent?"

  "I give up. Do you really know the answer?"

  "I know this. I know that whoever he is, it makes good sense to sendsomebody like him along with two overspecialized robots like us. Lookat us. You couldn't pull a cotter pin with a pair of pliers if you knewwhat a cotter pin was. As for myself, if I'd of gotten that gun awayfrom Arnold, I'm not even sure I'd have known how to fire it."

  "Which still doesn't answer